lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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