A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
