your parents love me but you hate me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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