i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
