he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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