Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
