Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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