I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
