a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my shit smells like andre
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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