You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
