i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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