I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
