I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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