I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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