just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
