And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
