We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
