By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
