BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
