Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
