Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
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