That's intense
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
