the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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