so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
