So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
