every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
