That's intense
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
