Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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