Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
