if you like me you must not know who I am
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
