i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
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