We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
