Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
