I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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