im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
