i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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