That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
