Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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