yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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