im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
