Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
