Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
