There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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