In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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