Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
