how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
