I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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