just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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