So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
