I want to have your abortion
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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