This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
