I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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