in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
