We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My cat gives me a boner
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Randomize
