Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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