It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
