i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
